I Get Insecure

Can I be honest right now? I struggle with insecurity. I’m nineteen years old, on the tail end of the insecure teenage years, but insecurity is still a monster that rears its ugly head at me often. A careless word or a very cutting one can lodge itself in my heart where it festers. Some days those words bring me down into a dark pit of despair. Then I begin to believe those words.

After a vocal recital, I evaluate every mistake I made and start to believe that I don’t have the ability or talent to lead worship. After leading a small group study, I critique every word I said and forget that what matters is that I show Jesus in what I teach. I look at other people and automatically compare myself to them. “I’m not as muscular as that guy.” “I’m not nearly as talented as she is.” “They’re so smart; why can’t I be like them?” I, like so many others, let these thoughts steal my confidence. I let insecurity settle in my soul. And I forget the truth.

The truth is, I won’t ever be good at everything. I do mess up sometimes. I make mistakes. I’m human. But there is another, greater truth. God has called me to where I am right now. He has his hand upon me, and he will never let go of me. Even when I think that I am nothing, he says otherwise. Even when I fail, whether academically, artistically, or spiritually, he picks me up and dusts me off. When everything just overwhelms me and I feel helpless, he is God Almighty.

When I don’t measure up to much in this life, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ.
– “Forgiven” by Sanctus Real

The truth is, some days I will be insecure. I am going to mess up. I will worry if I’m qualified for what God has called me to. But God is always there, whispering in the noise of my selfish, insecure thoughts. He says that I am his child. He says that I am chosen. He says that I can do all things through him. He says that he is able, even when I am not. He says that he has a plan for me, even when I cannot see it. He is God, no matter what.

I chose you before I formed you in the womb;
I set you apart before you were born.
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.

-Jeremiah 1:5

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood,
a holy nation, a people for His possession,
so that you may proclaim the praises
of the One who called you out of darkness
into His marvelous light.

– 1 Peter 2:9

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